13 things mentally strong book pdf free download

Increasing your mental strength can change your entire attitude. Download or Buy eBook Here. Leave a Comment Cancel reply. Through her years counselling others and her own experiences navigating personal loss, Morin realised it is often the habits we cannot break that are holding us back from true success and happiness. Now, for the first time, the author expands upon the 13Things from her viral post that reached millions world wideand shares her tried-and-true practices for increasing mental strength.

Morin writes with searing honesty, incorporating anecdotes from her work as a psychotherapist as well as personal stories of how she had to bolster her own mentalstrength when tragedy threatened to consume her. Slideshare uses cookies to improve functionality and performance, and to provide you with relevant advertising.

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Together, they established rules that would help them limit the influence Jackie had on their family. They told Jackie that she could no longer make unannounced visits several times per week. Instead, they would invite her over for dinner when they wanted to visit with her. Lauren also chose to stop complaining about Jackie. She recognized that venting to her friends and her husband only fueled her frustration and wasted her time and energy.

Slowly, but surely, Lauren began to feel like she was getting her life and her house back. Instead, she could control what went on under her own roof. Giving other people the power to control how you think, feel, and behave makes it impossible to be mentally strong. Do any of the points below sound familiar? You feel deeply offended by any criticism or negative feedback you receive, regardless of the source.

Other people have the ability to make you feel so angry that you say and do things you later regret. You work hard to ensure other people see you in a positive light because much of your self-worth depends on how others perceive you.

You go to great lengths to avoid uncomfortable emotions, like embarrassment or sadness. You have difficulty setting boundaries, but then feel resentful toward people who take up your time and energy. Can you see yourself in any of the above examples? Lauren was clear that she really wanted to be a nice person, and she thought that being a good wife meant tolerating her mother-in-law at all costs.

Instead, setting limits on what was allowed in her own home was healthy for her family and less taxing on her mental strength. Or maybe you dread receiving a phone call from a friend who constantly complains, but you continue to pick up on the first ring. A lack of emotional boundaries can be equally problematic. Lauren allowed her mother-in-law to control what sort of an evening she was going to have.

Instead of spending her spare time talking to her husband and her friends about enjoyable subjects, she wasted her energy complaining about Jackie. The longer she gave her power to Jackie, the more helpless she became about fixing it. There are many problems with giving away your power:. When you give away your power, you become completely dependent upon other people and external circumstances to regulate your emotions.

Giving away your power lends itself to helplessness. Without confidence in who you are, your entire self-worth may depend on how others feel about you. What if you offend people? If you choose to put up healthy boundaries, you may receive some backlash. Lauren learned that she could be firm with her mother-in-law, while still behaving respectfully.

Although she was terrified of confrontation, Lauren and her husband explained their concerns to Jackie together. Initially, Jackie was offended when they told her she could not come over every night. But, over time, Jackie accepted that she had to follow these rules if she wanted to come into their home. Steven McDonald is an incredible example of someone who chose not to give away his power.

While working as a New York City police officer in , Officer McDonald stopped to question some teenagers about some recent bicycle thefts. One of the fifteen-year-olds in question took out a gun and shot Officer McDonald in the head and neck. The shots paralyzed him from the neck down. Miraculously, Officer McDonald survived.

He spent eighteen months in the hospital recuperating and learning how to live as a quadriplegic. Remarkably, Officer McDonald and his wife chose not to focus on all that had been taken away from them by this teenage boy. Instead, they made a conscious choice to forgive him. Officer McDonald not only accepted his apology, but he also told him that he hoped someday they could travel the country together sharing their story with the hope they could prevent other acts of violence.

Officer McDonald never got the chance to do that, however, because three days after his assailant was released from prison, the young man was killed in a motorcycle accident. So Officer McDonald set out on his mission to spread his message about peace and forgiveness on his own. Officer McDonald is an inspirational example of someone who, despite being the victim of a senseless act of violence, chose not to waste time giving his assailant more power.

The first step is to develop self-awareness by identifying when you blame external circumstances and other people for how you think, feel, and behave. Take a close look at the people you are devoting your time and energy toward. Are they the people you want to receive it? If not, you may be giving them more power than you think they deserve. Each second you spend commiserating with coworkers about how unfair your boss is, you are giving your boss more power. Every time you tell your friends how controlling your mother-in-law is, you give her a little more power over you.

Sometimes retaining your power means changing the way you look at the situation. Rachel brought her sixteen-year-old daughter to me for therapy because her daughter refused to listen to her. I asked Rachel how she reacted when her daughter refused to follow her directions.

Out of exasperation, she told me, she yelled and argued with her. Every minute that she argued with her daughter was one more minute her daughter could put off cleaning her room. Each time she lost her temper, Rachel gave away some of her power. Make a conscious choice to think about how you want to behave before you react to other people. Every time you lose your cool, you give that other person your power.

Frustration and anger cause physical reactions within the body—an increased rate of breathing, an elevated heart rate, and sweating to name a few. Taking slow, deep breaths can relax your muscles and decrease the physiological response, which in turn can decrease your emotional reactivity. Learn to recognize your personal warning signs of anger—such as shaking or feeling flushed—and remove yourself from the situation before you lose your cool.

Instead, distract yourself with an activity, like walking or reading, to help you calm down. But fortunately, she kept looking for opportunities in the music industry. Soon after that rejection letter, she landed a record deal that launched her career. Within a couple of decades, Madonna was recognized by the Guinness Book of World Records as the bestselling female recording artist of all time.

Almost every successful person likely has a similar story of rejection. In , Andy Warhol tried to give one of his paintings to the Museum of Modern Art, but they declined to accept it even for free. Fast-forward to , and his paintings had become so successful that he earned his own museum. Retaining your power is about evaluating feedback to determine if it has any validity.

While criticism can sometimes open our eyes to how others perceive us so we can make positive change—a friend points out a bad habit, or a spouse helps you see your selfish behavior—at other times, criticism is a reflection of the critic.

Or individuals with low self-esteem may feel better about themselves only when they put other people down. When you receive criticism or feedback from others, wait a beat before responding. Then ask yourself these questions:. Look for times when you have put in a lot of effort and have been a hard worker.

Take a step back and see if you can find out why this person may be giving you negative feedback. Is it based on the small sampling of your behavior that the person has witnessed? Her conclusion may not be accurate. You are choosing to create change because you want to, not because you have to. If you choose not to go to work, there will be consequences.

Simply reminding yourself that you have a choice in everything you do, think, and feel can be very freeing. Just ask Oprah Winfrey. She grew up in extreme poverty and was sexually abused by several people throughout her childhood. She bounced between living with her mother, father, and grandmother, and as a teenager, she frequently ran away from home.

She became pregnant at age fourteen, but the infant died shortly after birth. During her high school years, she began working at a local radio station. She worked her way through several media jobs, and eventually, she landed a job as a TV news anchor. But she was later fired from the position. She went on to create her own talk show and by the age of thirty- two, her show became a national hit. Oprah has started her own magazine, radio show, and TV network and has coauthored five books.

Statistically, her upbringing would have predicted a poor prognosis. But Oprah refused to be a statistic. She chose to define who she was going to be in life by not giving away her power. Here are some other ways how retaining your power will help you become mentally strong:. Many mental health problems are linked to a sense of hopelessness and helplessness. When you decide not to give other people and external circumstances the power to control how you feel and behave, you gain more power over your mental health.

Choosing to forgive allows you to take back your power, not just over your psychological health, but also over your physical health. Research shows some of the health benefits of forgiveness include the following:. Over the years, many studies have shown that holding a grudge keeps your body in a state of stress.

When you practice forgiveness, your blood pressure and heart rate decrease. A willingness to forgive was associated with increased pain tolerance. A study published in the Journal of Behavioral Medicine discovered that when people were only willing to forgive others under certain conditions— like the other person apologized or promised to never repeat the same behavior—their risk of dying early actually increased.

Monitor your personal power and look for ways in which you are voluntarily giving it away. It takes hard work, but increasing your mental strength requires you to retain every ounce of personal power for yourself. At the age of forty-four, he was seventy- five pounds overweight and had recently been diagnosed with diabetes.

Initially, he tried eliminating all the junk food he had always eaten so regularly. But within two days, he found himself buying more sweets and resorting to his old habits. After all, he was no stranger to exercise. Richard told me that he really wanted to get healthier. But he felt frustrated. It was clear that he was trying to change too much too fast, which is a recipe for failure. It was important to find something to replace that habit with—and he decided he would try snacking on carrot sticks instead.

I also recommended he gain support to help him become healthier. He agreed to attend a diabetes support group. And over the next few weeks we discussed strategies to help get his family involved. His wife attended a few therapy sessions with him, and she began to understand steps she could take to help Richard improve his health. She agreed not to buy as much junk food when she went grocery shopping, and she began working with Richard on finding healthier recipes for their meals.

We also discussed a realistic exercise schedule. Richard said that almost every day he left the house planning to go to the gym after work, but he always talked himself out of it and went straight home. He also kept a list of all the reasons why going to the gym was a good idea in the car. Over the next two months, Richard began losing weight. But his blood sugar was still fairly high. He admitted that he was still eating a lot of junk food in the evenings while he watched TV.

As soon as he started making progress, he found it easier to make more changes. Eventually, he was able to feel more inspired to lose weight and manage his blood sugar. Our thoughts and emotions often prevent us from creating behavioral change, even when it will improve our lives. Many people shy away from making changes that can drastically improve their lives. See if any of the following apply to you:.

You think a lot about making changes but put off doing anything different until later. You have difficulty recalling the last time you purposely tried to challenge yourself to become better. Do any of the above examples sound familiar? Although circumstances can change quickly, humans often change at a much slower pace.

Choosing to do something different requires you to adapt your thinking and your behavior, which will likely bring up some uncomfortable emotions. Initially, Richard tried to change too much too fast and he quickly became overwhelmed.

Whenever he thought, This is going to be too hard, he allowed himself to give up. As soon as he began seeing some positive results, however, his thoughts became more positive and it was easier for him to stay motivated. Many people shy away from change because they think that doing something different is too risky or uncomfortable. Once you have that baby, your life has irrevocably changed. Most habit changes allow you to try something new for a little while, but you can always revert back to your old habits.

Perhaps you want to think less about the past or maybe decrease worrisome thoughts. Richard was precontemplative about making any changes to his health for years.

He avoided going to the doctor, he refused to step on a scale, and he dismissed any comments his wife made when she expressed concern about his health. Contemplation—People who are actively contemplative are considering the pros and cons of making a change. When I first saw Richard, he was contemplative. He was aware that not changing his eating habits could have serious consequences, but he was also not yet certain how to go about creating change.

Preparation—This is the stage where people prepare to make a change. They establish a plan with concrete steps that identify what they are going to do differently. Once Richard moved into the preparation stage, he scheduled days to work out and chose one snack to swap for something healthier. Action—This is where the concrete behavioral change takes place. Richard started going to the gym and swapped his afternoon cookies for carrots.

Maintenance—This often overlooked step is essential. Richard needed to plan ahead so he could maintain his lifestyle changes when he faced obstacles, like holidays or vacations. There was little opportunity for advancement. He was underinsured in terms of both his health and his vehicle, and he was experiencing serious financial problems.

Despite feeling a lot of stress about his financial situation, Andrew was afraid to apply for new jobs. He worried that he might not like a different job, and he lacked confidence in his skills. He also dreaded the thought of getting used to a new office, a new boss, and different coworkers. I helped Andrew examine the pros and cons of a job change.

Once Andrew developed a budget, he was able to examine the facts of the situation. Staying at his current job would make it impossible to pay for his bills each month.

Facing this reality gave Andrew the motivation he needed to begin applying for new jobs. The fear of not being able to pay his bills had to outweigh the fear of getting a new job that paid better. Just like Andrew, many people worry that doing something different may make things even worse. Many people associate change with discomfort. And often, they underestimate their ability to tolerate the discomfort that accompanies a behavioral change.

Tiffany came to therapy because she wanted to change her spending habits. Her shopping had become out of control, and she felt stressed because she was carrying around huge credit card balances. She thought the only way to curb her spending meant giving up time with her friends, which she feared would lead to loneliness.

Doing something different means giving something up. To spare ourselves this grief, we can convince ourselves not to change. The longer he delayed making change, the more irreversible damage he was likely to suffer. Remaining stagnant can also interfere with personal growth in other areas of your life. The world will change with or without you. Many problems that are waiting to be solved require you to do something different. Breaking bad habits requires a willingness to try something new.

If you are unwilling to challenge yourself and improve, others may grow bored with you. The longer you keep the same habits, the harder they can be to break. Sometimes people put off change until the right time. The longer change gets delayed, the harder it is to do. When Mary was eighteen, her mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. Three short years later, her mother passed away.

But in , at the age of fifty—the same age her father had been when he passed away—Mary began thinking about her own mortality. That same year, as a high school teacher, Mary was asked to chaperone a school- sponsored fund-raiser for cancer research. Chaperoning that event provided Mary with an opportunity to meet with other people who had lost loved ones to cancer and the fund-raiser ignited her passion to make a difference.

She began participating in fund-raising events for cancer research. Then, in , she joined the three-day sixty-mile walk sponsored by Susan G.

But instead of patting herself on the back for a job well done, Mary credits the people in her small town with helping her raise the funds.

She began to do some research and she discovered that her home state of Connecticut had the second highest rate of breast cancer in the nation. And that sparked an idea. Mary decided to start her own nonprofit agency to raise money, and she got the entire community involved. She named her organization Seymour Pink, after her town of Seymour, Connecticut. Pink banners honoring survivors and memorializing loved ones who have lost their battle to breast cancer are hung on the light posts throughout the town.

Homes are decorated with pink ribbons and balloons. Over the years, Mary has raised almost a half million dollars for breast cancer—related causes. Her organization donates some money for cancer research and also provides direct financial support to families who are affected by cancer. Not only does Mary not take any of the credit—she only boasts about how wonderful her community members are who participate in her fund-raisers—but she also fails to mention her personal triumphs.

I only learned about the obstacles she overcame because someone else told me. Just three years into her fund-raising efforts, Mary was in a severe car accident.

A traumatic brain injury left her with significant speech and cognitive issues. She went to speech therapy eight times a week and was determined to get back to raising money for breast cancer patients and research. It took her five years, but by , she returned to her job as a high school science teacher and resumed her fund- raising efforts. Instead, she focused on what she could do to make a difference.

If you start by changing your life, you can begin to make a difference in the lives of other people. Create a list of what is good about staying the same and what is bad about staying the same.

Then, create a list about the potentially good and bad outcomes of making a change. Instead, examine the list. Read it over a few times and think about the potential consequences of changing versus staying the same. Decide if you want to continue with the change or not. When you think about making a change, how do you feel? For example:.

Once you identify some of your emotions, you can decide whether it makes sense to act contrary to those emotions. Richard, for example, felt a variety of emotions. He was nervous about committing to something new. But, if you can rationally identify how change will be best for you in the long term, it may make sense to tolerate the discomfort.

Be on the alert for these types of thoughts that will tempt you to shy away from change:. Often, some of the best things in life come from our ability to conquer a challenge through hard work. Preparing for the change can be the most important step. Once you have a plan in place, then you can implement the behavioral change one small step at a time. Initially, Richard told himself he needed to lose seventy-five pounds. Thinking about that huge number however, overwhelmed him.

By establishing smaller goals, such as losing five pounds, he was able to create action steps that he could do each day.

Prepare for making the change with these steps:. Sometimes people try to change everything all at once. Identify at least one step you can take each day to move closer to your goal. Planning ahead can help you stay on track. We do best when we establish some type of accountability for our progress. Enlist the help of friends and family who can provide support and check in with you about your progress. Be accountable to yourself by writing down your progress daily. Keeping a record of your efforts and daily achievements can help you stay motivated to maintain changes.

If your goal is to be more outgoing, behave in a friendly manner. If you want to be a successful salesperson, study how successful salespeople behave and then do what they do. Richard wanted to be healthier, so he needed to behave like a healthy person. Eating a healthy diet and engaging in more physical activity were two things Richard could start doing to get closer to his goals. Then, be proactive about becoming that person. Judge Greg Mathis was raised in the projects of Detroit during the s and s.

As a teenager, he was arrested many times, and he dropped out of school to join a gang. At the age of seventeen, while incarcerated at a juvenile detention center, his mother was diagnosed with colon cancer. He was accepted to Eastern Michigan University and went on to law school. He became manager of the Detroit Neighborhood City Halls. A few years later, Mathis decided to run for judge. Although his opponents reminded the community of his criminal background, the people of Detroit believed Mathis was a changed man.

Judge Mathis soon gained Hollywood attention and in , he began a successful TV show where he settles small-claims disputes. Once a criminal himself, Judge Mathis now donates much of his time and energy to helping young people make better decisions in their lives. He tours the country offering Youth and Education Expos that encourage young people to make the best choices they can for their future.

Sometimes change results in a complete transformation that could alter the entire course of your life. Positive change leads to increased motivation and increased motivation leads to more positive change.

Embracing change is a two-way street. Unfortunately, your life will change whether you want it to or not. Change created by job loss, death of a loved one, a friend moving away, or kids moving out are all a part of life. Pay attention to the way you handle change. Watch out for warning signs that you may be avoiding important change that could ultimately improve your life. Create lasting change - one habit at a time.

Have you ever asked yourself why some people seem to get everything easily and others don't? Do you feel like a victim of your circumstances? Are you tired of waiting for your life to change? Find out how to take control and full responsibility of your life, and how a couple of small steps every day can change everything. In this simple, fast-paced eBook you will be learning what it takes to create the life you want. It's based on science, neuroscience, positive psychology and real-life examples and contains the best exercises to quickly create momentum towards a happier, healthier and wealthier life.

Thirty days can really make a difference if you do things consistently and develop new habits! To make it work YOU have to work and do the exercises it proposes. Discover your enormous potential and Stop being a victim of the circumstances and start creating your circumstances Stop waiting for the miracle to happen and become one Stop suffering and start creating the life you want Improve your self-confidence Improve your relationships with your spouse, your colleagues, your boss!

Become happier and more successful How much longer will you wait for your circumstances to change magically? How much longer will you ignore your power and your true potential? You can really make your dreams come true - but you have to stop talking and start acting. Your time is NOW! Want more free books like this? Take back your power, embrace change, face your fears, and train your brain for happiness and success. Life is hard.

Inevitably, life will become increasingly difficult as you experience tragedy and setbacks. Instead, Morin provides practical strategies to help readers avoid the thirteen common habits that hold them back.

Like physical strength, mental strength requires healthy habits, exercise, and hard work. Keep reading to learn how to achieve greater mental strength and achieve overall success and happiness. A terminal cancer patient who demonstrates boundless compassion and optimism in the face of her disease. An applauded professional who always encourages and celebrates the accomplishments of his colleagues… Purchase this in-depth summary to learn more.

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